What’s Been Going On

Just imagine Amos Lee singing that like I always do. A lot’s been going on. Here’s some of the things I’m doing now.

Of course the largest portion of my time is spent raising these two and awaiting our third to come in May.

Sawyer [4] & Lincoln [3]

I just got finished reading this.

And now I’m reading this.

Here’s what I’m listening to at work,

Sean Wes

And here’s what I’m listening to in my workshop (garage).

The rest of my spare time is spent working here.

And here’s something I found really cool.

Zen Pencils “All the World’s a Stage” William Shakespeare

ENJOY.

What I Found When I Cut the Grass

Lawn care, Entropy, Robin Thicke, and Faith

I like cutting my grass. Most people do. I’m too cheap for a riding lawn mower so I push mow my yard. It usually takes an hour or two to cut the whole yard. It would probably take a little less time if I bought a bigger push mower, but as I said before, I’m pretty cheap. I live in the South where the summers are brutal so when I cut the grass I usually end up sweating so much you can see it through my jeans . . . seriously, through denim. I’m not talking something like tight skinny jeans, but a baggy pair of Wranglers that were hand-me-downs from my brother-in-law. Sometimes when I cut my backyard I’ll take my shirt off. My backyard is fenced in so I think it’s not a big deal. And I ask my wife if it’s okay so she won’t be ashamed of the redneck she’s married.

When all the work is finished you get a total sense of accomplishment. Where once sat the patchwork of the endless competition of weeds and grass chutes now has been replaced by rows of green carpet. And in admiring my job well done it makes me think why I even like my grass to be cut?

I mean obviously the yard looks nicer when it’s mowed, but why? Why do I have this desire to make nature conform to what I think it should look like. No where else in my world do I see that grass naturally grows in unison at the same length and yet here I am spending hours each month to make my little patch of earth do just that. Why?

It suddenly made me think of a quote I’ve read several times,

“A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of a straight line.” – C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity 

Then there’s this thing called entropy. It’s the measurement of the disorder in a system of energy. It’s a scientific term used in anything from communication theory to thermodynamics. They best way I’ve heard it described is that it’s the rate at which anything has a propensity to return to a nature state of disorder. Our world is in a state now that it wants to return to a state of disorder, so much so, that we actually have to calculate how quickly it wants to get there.

And yet here we are, despite living in a world where were rarely, if ever, come into contact with naturally occurring uniform conformity, we have a desire to make the things all around us neat and tidy. Sure you can argue there are other, more practical reasons to perform upkeep and maintenance but I know I get actual pleasure of seeing my grass cut that I don’t have when I get my oil changed. It’s not the same.

I believe we were created with the concept of straight lines. Even if we don’t see them popping up everywhere around us, we like to make them ourselves. Grass grows in every way it wants. Tigers and zebras have stripes instead of bars. And we still want things in straight lines, because we like them. (This may also be the reason hate Robin Thicke’s Blurred Lines video and I think we can all agree that that guy is pretty much a tool.)

So after I cut my grass and am able to watch my kids play around on my lawn I found that I like the way it looks, not just because it’s crisp and clean, but the fact that I like things looking crisp and clean is an indication that I was created with the idea already in mind. That this innate idea of perfection I have is proof I was created with the intent of living in a place of perfection and even though I don’t see it around me now, that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be there.

• What I Saw With a Broken Camera
• Five Things I Learned From Five Years of Marriage
• Guest Post: Five Tips For Every Mom

My Weekend Investment

I recently returned from taking a trip to the beach with my family. It was only a few days, but we had a great time and definitely made some memories. I usually post on Saturdays and once during the week, but instead I decided to just focus on being with the people that mean to most to me.

It was refreshing to get back to investing my time, rather than just spending it.

I hope everyone else had a great weekend as well.

Day #11 – The Long & Short of It

Today’s assignment – Tell us about the home where you lived when you were twelve. Use short, medium, and long sentences as you compose your response.

When I was twelve, I grew up on the steep hillside of a county road that cut right through a rural Alabama valley. Our house was surrounded by woods. In the summer, it’d make a little green pocket that hid the house from the road. Out of sight from the world but open to all the noise it had. Birds sung in the trees. Bugs buzzed in the grass. They’d make noise all summer long. Cars would go flying by taking the winding road to and from the lake. From our house on the hillside we could see the firework show on the fourth of July. We’d see the explosion miles away but could still feel the blast in our chests.

In the winter, the trees would fade. The green would give way to brown and gray. The wind would blow hard and rattle the last remaining leaves that clung to their branches. The noise outside would soften as the woods around us seemed to go to sleep. The traffic on the road below would return to its normal pace.

It was a pretty quiet place to grow up.

When I was old enough I moved away.

Then I moved back. I moved back as close as I could. To raise my own kids in way as close to the one I had. Now I’ll wait to see, when they are old enough, where they’ll go and if they’ll return.

Five Things I’ve Learned From Five Years of Marriage

Last week was my five year anniversary. A closer look at the inside of my ring and you’ll see the date of our wedding. In looking back over the past few years I realized how quickly it moved by. Fast. Real fast.

Over that time our relationship has definitely grown. You think when the doors open in the chapel and she walks down the isle that you can never love someone more than you do at that moment. That changes.

You think when they storm off to the bathroom and you slam the door behind them that there’s never been another person in the world that can make you so mad. Thankfully, that changes too.

My wife and I don’t have a perfect marriage because it’s not something that really happens. Everyone has arguments and everyone has struggles. Throughout all the situations, good and bad, you learn things. You learn what presses buttons and what makes the two of you laugh. Throughout our marriage I’ve learned a few things I thought I’d share.

I’m a guy so these might say “her” instead of “spouse”, but you get the point.

• Stop Bragging – I’ll start off with a softball here. You don’t have to brag about what you did. Whether you cleaned the kitchen or folded clothes or cut the grass, you don’t have to announce it to your spouse as soon as they walk in. Basically because it’s nothing to brag about. You’re an adult. You’re supposed to do stuff like that. You bragging about doing something productive is like a lifeguard bragging about sitting in their chair and telling kids not to pee in the pool. It’s kind of your job. So thanks for washing the dishes, but keep it yourself and take your satisfaction from a job well done. And if you’re a guy, the last thing you want to do is get into a competition of things you’ve done around the house….
• Start Being There – So maybe this is another no-brainer but common sense is increasingly uncommon. Wherever you are, be present. If your spouse is doing something, then help. If it’s just the two of you sitting on the couch, put your phone down, and let it actually be just the two of you sitting on the couch. Pause the television when she talks. Not so you won’t miss the next play, but because you don’t want her to have to fight for your attention. Take away the distractions. Be active. Be there mentally, as well as physically.
• Start Being Friends – Your spouse is your best friend, if not, make her your best friend. Confide in them the same way you would your buddy. It doesn’t have to be anything monumental. It can be as simple as telling them about your day. Let them know what you’re thinking. Tell them the funny stuff you saw or the things that stressed you out. And more importantly, make sure your spouse is the person you talk to and no one else. If you’re confiding in anyone else more than you do your spouse, stop. Stop right now. Doesn’t matter if it’s a guy or girl. Make your spouse that person, whether they want to hear it or not. Hopefully you have something more to share than just a funny video on YouTube. That’s not what she means when she asks you to talk to her.
• Start Praying – Whether you believe in prayer or just believe in the power of words, they matter. Speaking out loud about your spouse is something that will change you. You pray for your spouse because prayer is important, but what I’ve realized is that the affect it has on me is just as significant. It causes you to acknowledge that person as a blessing in your life and brings them to the forefront of your thoughts as you go throughout your day. It can be as simple as on your way to work each day, say a quick prayer for your spouse. And if you don’t work and they do, then you have a heck of a lot more time on your hands, so make the most of it.
• Start Leading – This concept took me a while to understand, but when I finally got it, it makes perfect sense. Leading your heart is something that had never naturally occurred to me. Realizing that “loving someone” and “being in love” are two different things. Loving your spouse is a promise as much as it is an emotion. It’s not fickle and doesn’t change. Your emotions change. They ebb and flow, but your love should not. Guard your heart and don’t let it go where it doesn’t need to. Lead it to love your spouse. Don’t wait on the moment when the two of you are finally getting along to say you love her. Say it often and mean it always, even when you don’t want to. Your heart is a powerful thing, but it goes where it wants. Lead it to the place it’s supposed to go and the results will blow you away.

This can be a hard principle to understand but it is summed up well here:

Love in this second sense — love as distinct from ‘being in love’ — is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be ‘in love’ with someone else. ‘Being in love’ first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. it is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.” – C. S. Lewis

That’s the tips I’ve learned so far. I hope you’ve noticed that none of these tips are things your spouse needs to do better or things your need to buy.

They are all things YOU need to do.

They are all things I need to do daily. These aren’t tips I’ve mastered as much as reminders of the habits I need to keep. I love being married and I want to stay that way. Not just staying married for a long time, but I want to stay in a great marriage forever.

I think doing these things will help.

Date night with @lamills425

 

If you liked this post you might also enjoy:

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Nine Years Ago Today

May 2005

Nine years ago that was me. I had a tan. I had that sweet bracelet. I had more hair on my head and none on my face. And I had a girlfriend. And nine years ago today we started dating.

We had only been dating a few months when this picture was taken. We started dating on January 22, 2005 during our freshman year of college. We had been spending more and more time with each other before I finally got up the courage to ask her out. And thankfully she said yes. I remember dropping her off at her friend’s house and driving home thinking how I better not screw this up. Nine years later I’m still thinking that.

What I wasn’t thinking was how this decision would change my life entirely. I wasn’t thinking that we’d date for four years before getting married. I wasn’t thinking that we’d buy a little house and move to small town where we only know each other. I wasn’t thinking that we’d have two boys only 14 months apart and move back to my hometown to raise them. All I was thinking about was don’t mess this up.

Looking back on this makes me realize now just how important that day was to me. It literally shaped the future of my life and the life of my family. It makes me realize that I need to be living in the moment as much as I’m worried about ruining it. It makes me realize that I’ll never know how the actions I take today will change the course of my life nine years from now. What I can do is try my best to choose them wisely and by doing what I know is right. What I can do is live and learn from the consequences that come. Hopefully in nine years or 3,285 days or 78,840 hours from today I’ll be able to look back at my timeline and be satisfied with the decisions that lead me to where I am. I’ll be able to say I choose them, not worried while they happened around me.   

I’m glad to say I’m happy with this one. Happy Kinda Anniversary to my wife.

December 2013

Five Free Apps for Every Dad

In a previous post I discussed five apps I think were great for men. As a guy, you are mostly likely on your phone a lot. As a dad, you are probably on your phone too much, but more on that later.

Finding free apps for guys was easy, but dads are harder. Not because there’s not a lot of apps out there targeted towards dads. There’s tons. The thing I found was most of them were useless. They were apps about mixing drinks, finding the closest sports bars, grilling steaks, or clips of Family Guy and hardly any of those were even free. Not that there’s anything wrong with those apps, I’m sure they’re great. But is that really the only apps for dads? If you’ve watched a sitcom recently then, yes, that’s pretty much what guys are expected to turn into once they have kids. Lovable, bumbling idiots who everyone else just tolerates. That’s it. What’s worse is that based on the popularity of these apps, most of men are doing just that.

So here’s a few free apps I think are especially helpful for dads, real dads, today:

• First Aid by American Red Cross -So chances are if you have a medical emergency your first instinct won’t be do whip out your phone and search through an app, but after emergency services have been contacted this may be helpful as you stand by. With tips, step-by-step instructions, and quizzes this app really is something great to have in a pinch or just to help past some time. Tons of great stuff dads can learn.
• Endless Alphabet – There’s a few apps that are fun for kids and help them learn something. Not only does this one do that, it’s actually pretty fun. You pick a word, scramble the letters, then drag them back to place. The animations are great and the sounds affects are actually funny. I can speak from experience that this app will keep you and your kids entertained in any waiting room.
• Kindle App – Guys need to read. Most guys don’t. Buy a book and keep it on your phone. You’ll be doing yourself some good and setting a good example. I could say more on this, but it’s really that simple.
• Dinner Spinner – Guys will eat mostly anything. I never had a problem finding something to eat as a single guy, but as a dad, it’s more complicated. I have no problem fixing meals when I know what to do. This app does just that. Put in the meal you’d like to make, the main ingredient, time frame, and you are given a list of meals to prepare with step-by-step instructions. This app is from AllRecipes.com so you know there’s some good food to find.
• Lock Button – Phones already come equipped with this feature. Most of the time it’s pretty conveniently located. So use it. Lock your phone and put it down and pay attention to your kids. Remember when you were growing up and your dad was always playing on his phone? Probably not. Don’t let your kids think your phone is just one more thing they have to compete with for your attention.

Our phones allow us to do more than we probably dreamed but but apps can be just as effectively unproductive. Don’t waste your time with apps that are targeted to dads and provide nothing you actually need. Don’t spend money on apps that are going to be nothing more than a distraction for you. As with everything else, moderation is key.

If you liked this post you might also enjoy:

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Guest Post: Legacy

My guest post, Legacy, for Blog of Manly is available today.  In it I share a moment in life that helped solidify a legacy of someone close to me and how it affects all men. Here’s a small excerpt:

As men we like to think we cement our legacy in our life’s biggest moments. The game winning shot. The major award we worked hard to earn. The great speech we gave. But it’s not made there.

Legacy | Blog of Manly

Thanks again to the fine gents at the blog for the opporunity. Follow and subscribe to them. They consistently have great material.

A Busy Weekend

I didn’t post anything this weekend so I wanted to make a quick post today. I try to post every Saturday, but this weekend was an exception. My oldest turned two so we had a joint party with my nephew, who also turned two. It went great & everyone had a good time. Here’s a few pics from the day.

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Of Moose and Men

Father’s Day is tomorrow. So, of course, I thought of this moose. 

The strangest things can cause reflection and stranger are the things that come from it. When I saw the date on the calendar, I thought about this time last year, my First Father’s Day, and things that have changed. But being a reader, I thought of Atticus Finch as well. To Kill a Mockingbird will always be one of my favorite books and Atticus is one of the main reasons.

Apart from having one of the best names of any literary character, he is such an iconic figure of men and fatherhood. His character was able to embody integrity and a caring father while still rebelling against the standard school of thought that most men of his time held. His traits will always make him one of my favorite characters and one I won’t forget.

Here’s where the moose comes in.

In college I lived with a group of fraternity brothers and somehow we became the owners of a wooden moose. We put him on the mantle and dressed him up for holidays and took pictures with him. He became a mascot of sorts for our apartment. And for reasons that have escaped me now, we decided to name him Atticus. So for me the image of this moose is as synonymous with the name Atticus as Gregory Peck.

Father’s Day = Atticus Finch = Atticus the Moose

As I thought of the moose and the time he lived with me I thought about how things have changed. Most of the guys I lived with are all adults and many have children of their own. I’ve got two little boys that I now roughhouse with and we dress them up for holidays too (for Halloween one was a monkey & the other a banana). My time with mantle mascots has passed. Now I live life still trying to make the transition of hanging out with a moose to raising little men. My life of moose and men.

Me and mine

Happy Father’s Day to my own father and any dad who reads this.

 

“I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It’s when you know you’re licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do.” – Atticus Finch

What does Father’s Day make you think of? Leave a comment below.