Sharing Reluctantly

Conversations in my home usually go something like this: 

“Can you believe that he was tossed out the window? He’s only a little boy. That’s insane!”

Of course my wife is shocked & intrigued,

“You’re kidding?! Who are you talking about?”

“Bran, son of Lord Eddard of Winterfell”

“Oh my gosh, are you talking about some stupid book?”

“Yes …. I am, but …”

[walks away]

I think people like talking about what they are reading just as much as they like reading it.  It’s said a gentleman has three copies of his favorite book; one on his bookshelf at home, one to carry with him, and one to loan to friend.

Much to the dismay of people around me, I’ve always liked describing what I’m reading. It’s one of the reasons I enjoy doing this blog. I think something about regurgitating plots and scenes makes me remember the book better. It feels like I’m kind of re-reading it all again. I’ve never been in a book club before, but I imagine that’s the reason they exist. But why do we all like to do this?

Is it because we get to filter out the book and describe it as we think it should be seen? Is it that we get to put our own thoughts into the why or how of the book? Give it our own spin? Maybe.

Or maybe it’s something more than that. Maybe we like to discuss what we are reading because we like to discuss – everything. We do the same with television. Instead of the book club we use the proverbial water-cooler. Now more than ever we use Twitter and Facebook and Goodreads. People pour emotions into Amazon reviews.

All because we all like to tell stories. We all like being the narrator.  So don’t be shy to share your thoughts on books. Tell it to friends and family. Books just give us a chance to tell a story, whether it’s ours or someone else’s. Either way, we get to be the one to tell it.

If you liked this post you may also enjoy:

• Midweek Review: Wired for Story
• The Gentlemen’s Copy

Manly Pages: London For a Buck

A series of book recommendations specifically for guys.

A lot of guys don’t read. That’s how this series began. A great place to start is with this guy. Most men know who Jack London was, but still haven’t read his works. He lived a full life and wore many hats. He just happened to be most successful at writing. Not to mention he had a killer name. If you haven’t had a chance to read some of his classics like The Call of the Wild or White Fang, you definitely should.

But most people completely forget about London’s short stories and one of the best being To Build a Fire. It’s a great, short read. You can easily kill some time by reading it on your phone in a waiting room or standing in line at the grocery store. Pick up a copy of all of these works for less than a buck a piece on Amazon. Get it, Buck? If you read TCOTW you would. Here’s an excerpt To Build a Fire:

“The trouble with him was that he was without imagination. He was quick and alert in the things of life, but only in the things, and not in the significance.”

If you liked this post you may also enjoy:

• Novel Wisdom: London & Durham
• My 18 of ’13

Nine Years Ago Today

May 2005

Nine years ago that was me. I had a tan. I had that sweet bracelet. I had more hair on my head and none on my face. And I had a girlfriend. And nine years ago today we started dating.

We had only been dating a few months when this picture was taken. We started dating on January 22, 2005 during our freshman year of college. We had been spending more and more time with each other before I finally got up the courage to ask her out. And thankfully she said yes. I remember dropping her off at her friend’s house and driving home thinking how I better not screw this up. Nine years later I’m still thinking that.

What I wasn’t thinking was how this decision would change my life entirely. I wasn’t thinking that we’d date for four years before getting married. I wasn’t thinking that we’d buy a little house and move to small town where we only know each other. I wasn’t thinking that we’d have two boys only 14 months apart and move back to my hometown to raise them. All I was thinking about was don’t mess this up.

Looking back on this makes me realize now just how important that day was to me. It literally shaped the future of my life and the life of my family. It makes me realize that I need to be living in the moment as much as I’m worried about ruining it. It makes me realize that I’ll never know how the actions I take today will change the course of my life nine years from now. What I can do is try my best to choose them wisely and by doing what I know is right. What I can do is live and learn from the consequences that come. Hopefully in nine years or 3,285 days or 78,840 hours from today I’ll be able to look back at my timeline and be satisfied with the decisions that lead me to where I am. I’ll be able to say I choose them, not worried while they happened around me.   

I’m glad to say I’m happy with this one. Happy Kinda Anniversary to my wife.

December 2013

How the Suit Got Started

Did you know pants are named from a saint? Did you know monks started a fashion trend? Did you know LBJ influenced the modern fashion world? Do you know what coats have to do with firearms? 

I’m pretty much an average guy. I work in a cubical. I get up everyday and pick out my shirt and tie. It can be a pain sometimes but for the most part I’ve always liked wearing them. I even used a shirt and tie as the cover of my novel. I used to sell suits for a department store when I was in college. The older gentleman who worked with me was as classy as they come and taught me a lot of the basics.

I’m not about to give out fashion advice on this blog. Mainly because I’m no authority. I wanted to take a quick look at the dress clothes and figure out how they came to be. Why does my dress jacket have buttons on the sleeve? What function does a tie serve? Why do I have to wear dress slacks while some women in the workplace feel free to wear sweat pants and a sweater with kitten on it?

Here’s some interesting history I found and a few rules of thumb sprinkled among the list.

• White dress shirt– Ninjas wear black. Brides wear white dresses. Men wear a white dress shirt. It’s the staple in any men’s closet and makes an appearance in every scene of Mad Men. Men started wearing this one long ago as it was meant to portray credibility, integrity, cleanliness, simplicity, and honesty. Some might think they are all basically the same, but they come in several different varieties. Cloth, collar, and cuff can all be changed to meet any occasion. Learn more here. A good rule of thumb is an Oxford button-down collar is more casual, but can be worn with most anything.
• Dress pants– Unless you’re Jim Harbough, chances are you have a pair of nice dress pants. The word pants comes from the Saint Panteleone. I promise I’m not making this up. Story goes that the was a Christian doctor who was executed seven times before the Romans got the job done. During his canonization, he was renamed “all lion” and became the patron saint of doctors. Centuries later you would insult someone you thought to be a fool but calling him “all lion” and dressing him in tights that ended in ruffles above the knee, dubbed Pantaloons. Years go by again and American’s shortened the word to “pants” and conquer the world. The end … not quite. Before denim became everyday attire, there were trousers. You work in trousers, but you wear pants. There are recorded conversation of  Lyndon Johnson making specific demands about his dress pants in the Nixon tapes to a now well-known tailor Joe Haggar, Jr. of Haggar pants.  A good rule of thumb is pleats and cuffs are traditional and seen as more formal. No pleats usually include no cuffs and are a little more casual and modern. Just ask Mrs. Harbaugh.
• Dress shoes– For most guys, they own the basic run of the mill Oxford dress shoe, also referred to as Balmoral. These shoes first appeared in Scotland & Ireland and got the name from the Queen’s castle in Scotland, Balmoral, and of course from Oxford University where the shoes gained popularity among students rebelling from the knee-high boots of the 1800s. The Derby, also known as the Blucher, is popular and got is name after the 18th century Prussian general Gebhard Leberecht von Blücher. He ordered a boot with side pieces lapped over the front in an effort to provide his troops with improved footwear. This design was adopted by armies across Europe. It became the Derby among the English who wore it in hunting and sporting and eventually for everyday wear. The Monk originated, as you might have guessed, from monks, Alpine monks in the 1400s. Check out the other basic men’s shoes here. A good rule of thumb is start with a black lace-up and go from there.
• Dress jacket– The term coat and jacket are now used interchangeably but in the Middle Ages the term coat was originally used when referring to a coat of mail, a chain-linked armor tunic. The term firearms actually is derived from a coat of arms. In the past families would have to register their right to “bear” their family’s coat of arms. So was the same with guns. Men argued for their right to “bear arms”. Over the centuries the term coat was divided into two categories, overcoat and undercoat, with jacket being used for the later. What we now wear as a jacket was traditionally called a lounge coat or a sack coat. The men’s blazer, usually navy or black, can be worn with most anything. It got it’s origins in 1825 from the Lady Margaret Boat Club of St. John’s College of the University of Cambridge.  I’ve always heard that buttons where sewn on jackets to keep men from wiping their noses on their sleeves. A more practical use is that working buttons allow you to roll up the sleeves without removing the jacket. Read more here. A good rule of thumb is that a jacket is like a good insurance policy and should cover your butt. 
• Tie– Men’s neckwear have long been a symbol to associate the wearer with certain groups. Red pieces of cloth were worn around the necks of the Scottish who refused to accept the Church of England as the official church of the state. It was later used in the early 1920s by coal miners on strike in West Virginia. Both were referred to as “rednecks.” The modern necktie made its way across Europe in the Thirty Years’ War by Croatian mercenaries. The look caught the eye of Louis XIV who started wearing it and set the trend for French nobility. Every guy should know how to tie a tie. The easiest to learn is the simple hand-over-hand method, but my experience is a Windsor knot works best. A good rule of thumb is your tie should just reach your waistband. 
• Pocket square– Of course the pocket square came from the practice of using handkerchiefs. The term kerchief was also used alone and originates from the French words “couvrir” and “chef”, meaning cover and head. There are several different types of folds for a pocket square including the Presidential, the Westo Four Point, the TV fold, and the Cagney. A good rule of thumb is your pocket square should be a different fabric and pattern than your tie.

There’s a few history lessons with some basic rules of thumb. For more basics check out this article on BuzzFeed or subscribe to Art of Manliness. As for the ladies and kitten sweaters I think we are on our own.

These thoughts ran through his mind as he tied the red tie in his preferred half-Windsor knot and ran his hands over his crisp white shirt.   -from Gather Sticks Along the Way: A Novel

Available on Amazon

 

 

You can also learn more here – http://www.cloggs.co.uk/page/mens-formal-shoe-guide.

 

Mid-week Review: Wired For Story

This post is from a series of reviews

Why do we tell stories? Why do we like to hear them? Wouldn’t it just be more efficient to just tell us the moral of the story rather than listening to the whole story? What if there’s a reason we have the story? What if sometimes the story is more important that the moral that follows?

Wire For Story comes highly recommended and it didn’t disappoint. If you are a writer or blogger, then you’ve probably run across this book before. If you’re a writer or a blogger and you haven’t then it’s time to evaluate what you run across.

And the cover is awesome too!

A quick search of Amazon will provide countless books on writing tips. They’ll cover grammar, story outlining, writing style, and even some touchy feely stuff about “finding your voice.” Few go where this book takes you. It explains what a story needs and why our brains demand it. Once you’ve figured out the necessities of a story, you can manipulate the properties to ensure readers are getting what they crave. It takes a step further by presenting supporting psychological and sociological evidence from actual research and studies on display in the back of the book. Lisa Cron does an amazing of job of not letting the book take on a cold, text book feel, but allows you to read the book in a very story-friendly way. That’s huge.

As someone who reads a lot of nonfiction books I can attest that there’s no mistaking most of them for anything but nonfiction. They are usually so matter-of-fact that sometimes I find myself finishing a book just because I started it. Not so with this one. Each time I touched the screen on my tablet I did it because I wanted get back to reading this book. Not just because of the interesting content, but because I actually wanted to read it.

Whether you are a reader or a writer, you’ll appreciate the magnifying glass placed over the concept of story and why we are programmed to receive it and repeat it, again and again.

Here’s a few of my favorite highlights from the book:

“Story is what makes us human, not just metaphorically but literally.”

“A story is how what happens affects someone who is trying to achieve what turns out to be a difficult goal, and how he or she changes as a result.”

“As a reader, you owe the writer absolutely nothing. You read their book solely at your own pleasure, where it stands or falls on its own merit. If you don’t like it, you simply slip it back onto the shelf and slide out another.”

“Never forget that a story unfolds in the space between two opposing forces.”

“Story tends to be about the raging mess inside, the one we struggle to keep under wraps as we valiantly try to make sense of our world.”

Follow more highlights from what I’m reading on my Kindle Profile.

The Good, The Bad, & Everyone Else You Follow

Maybe it’s sad but I get a lot of my news from Facebook and Twitter. Links people post or pages I follow (look at the left sidebar for someone you need to follow). So like everyone else, I spend a portion of my evenings swapping back and forth from Facebook and Twitter. And news of current events isn’t the only thing I’m able to read.

I’ve heard it said that Twitter is the bathroom wall of the internet. People post things on Twitter differently than they post everywhere else. Followers look for laughs on Twitter and hilarious one-liners of 140 characters are hard to beat. The down side of this is when you read some tweets you realize you are standing in that metaphorical bathroom stall. While users work hard to come up with comedy gold, it usually ends up being at the expense of others. Watch any live television event while on Twitter and you’ll learn that quickly. The ones who can squeeze in the most damaging comments into a tweet can soar up the timelines and newsfeeds. It’s because of this I can only take Twitter in doses now and I cull the people I follow nearly every day.

Now we move on to the juggernaut, Facebook. If Twitter is the home of offensive one liners, Facebook is the hillside mansion of the emotional rant. It is an unspoken rule among Facebook users that you must, MUST, provide your opinion on every single social event the covers your global hemisphere. Your friends are waiting on the edge of their seats for your paragraph about why you love to eat this place’s chicken sandwiches or why you have a equals sign ( = ) for your profile pic. We HAVE  to know what you think about the free speech rights of a guy who kills ducks in the bayou and you are more than happy, happy, happy to give your opinion.

And that’s good. I think more people should voice their opinions and affirm their own beliefs. But here’s where it get’s tricky. The difference between Facebook and Twitter is what you see on the other end of the spectrum in all this, and it’s where Facebook takes the lead.

EXAMPLE: Say you’re having a bad day. You get on Twitter and within a few minutes you’re reading something funny. You let out a little chuckle (LOALC=LOL) and feel a little better. But say you get on Facebook instead. There’s the difference. Because the same passion people have about sharing their political views on Facebook is the same thing that causes them to talk about stuff that actually matters.

People really do “share” things. They take time and tell stories about an act of kindness they witness. They comment about the good service they had at a recent trip to the store. They share Bible verses that seem they were written just for them, for just that moment. It’s encouraging and uplifting and it’s what we need to see more often.

That’s where the “everyone else you follow” comes in. You only get to read stuff like this if you follow people who would actually post stuff like this. So take time and evaluate who it is read everyday. I got tired of reading the drama people post and decided long ago I didn’t want to waste time with it. It also made me think twice about what I post myself. Will this make someone’s day better? Will people be happy they read this?

These are rhetorical questions by they way, but if you like what you read, leave a comment. If not….keep it to yourself. LOALC

If you enjoyed this post you may also like:

• What Twitter Won’t Tell You
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The Workbench Life Partnership

I’ve recently been given the opportunity to partner with The Workbench Life, a website sponsored by Craftsman. They have full catalogs of articles covering several topics such as home maintenance and repair to tech reviews and expert advice. I’ll post their content occasionally. Follow along here or go to their site to read more.

Thanks again to them for allowing me to provide great content to readers.

My 18 of ’13

It’s still only a few days into the new year so I’m still going to do the obligatory posts about reviewing 2013. Last year I listed all the books I was able to complete in My 19 of ’12. This year I thought I’d do the same. Below is the list of books I read in 2013. I read almost all on my Kindle Fire. The total cost of all these books was nearly $130. This may sound like a lot to spend on just books, but when you consider the cost it would have been for paperback copies the savings are pretty vast. Each Kindle copy costs around $10 or less.  A decent paperback will run at least $14.

There’s also the time it took to read these books. For a year’s worth of entertainment, you can’t find a better deal. Especially when compared to the cost of other forms of entertainment such as cable/satellite, internet provider, or smart phone data plans. Reading provides a more convenient and cost-effective entertainment than nearly anything else available.

These books cover a wide range of topics. Some are nonfiction, some are novels. Some are literary classics, some are young-adult fiction. Each were good and I can say I enjoyed them all. I won’t review them now, but for my book reviews and recommendations check out the ongoing series here Manly Pages  and Mid-week Review. You can also follow along with my Amazon Kindle Profile and see my highlights from what I’m reading. Here are few notable quotes from what I read last year.

“Books say: she did this because. Life says: she did this. Books are where things are explained to you; life is where things aren’t.” –Wire for Story

 

“You look at a bad thing and say it’s bad so you know it’s bad, then you forget it and go on.” –Woe to Live On

 

“You can’t hide from adversity. You can’t hide your children from life’s ups and downs. The ones who achieve do so by experiencing and conquering obstacles,… even from their childhood days. These are the ones who were never denied their right to face some struggle, some adversity. Others were, in reality, cheated. Those who attempted to shelter their children from every conceivable germ in our society… never really inoculated them from fear, worry, and the feeling of dependency.” –The Millionaire Next Door

Feel free to ask my any question on what I’ve read. Let me know if you have any book recommendations for the upcoming year.  Thanks for following along.

Happy Birthday Tolkien

I want to wish a happy birthday to the first author who inspired me to pick up another book after I finished the one I had just read.

Five Myths About New Year’s Resolutions

Today is the first day of the New Year. A quick glimpse at Facebook and you’ll figure it out. You’ll see posts about resolutions and pics of the night before. People will make a few promises to themselves and pledge that this will be the year they stick. Not to be cynical but that probably won’t happen. The odds are against them. One more thing that hurts everyone’s success is the horrible advice the internet has to offer.

Scan a few articles today and you’re guaranteed to run through the same tired advice about keeping resolutions that was just recycled from previous years. They come with good intentions but basically set you up to fail. So I thought I’d tackle some of the myths about ringing in the new year with success.

• Myth #1. Write it down – The first point on any resolution guide will begin with the advice to write down your goals. They’ll tell you that writing them out will help you follow through. While this sounds really good, it just doesn’t work. I know because every single week, seriously, every week, I make a grocery list. And every single week I get home, empty the bags on the counter, and see that one little item I forgot. I mean I followed their advice. I wrote out my list, checked it often (at the beginning of every aisle), and still came home with a bag full of failure.
• Myth #2. Share with friends and family – Again, this sounds great in theory. Make a Facebook post publicly declaring you are going to do things differently this year. You’re going to drop a few bad habits. You’ll see people say things like, “If you see me with a _______ in my hand, just slap it right out.” Of course you tend to lose that feeling when someone comments about the Dr. Pepper you drink at work on a Tuesday afternoon in March.
• Myth #3. Get a partner – This one actually could work- if you’re partner is a personal trainer. If you go with a friend who’s in the same boat as you, it’s just the blind leading the blind. In a few weeks all of your collective will power will fade and the two of you will be sitting around wondering what happened to that sleeve of Oreos you had a minute ago.
• Myth #4. Buy one piece of clothing as motivation – This one is another great gem. Buy an expensive pair of skinny jeans to hang in your closet so you’ll be motivated to slide into those bad boys in a few months. I’m almost 30 years old and wear a size 10 shoe. I’m not about to spend a few hundred bucks on a pair of size 13 MJs and tell myself this is the year it’s gonna happen. If you’re going to buy clothes, do everyone around you a favor and just buy what fits you now.
• Myth #5. Buy a dog – This one is truly awful. Not only is it bad advice, it’s from TIME magazine. In an attempt to maintain your physical fitness, they recommend buying a dog on a whim. That way you’ll be forced to walk it everyday. Really? Here’s what will happen: You’ll get a cute dog. You’ll be enthralled for a few days. Then you have to go back to work. You’ll be gone and that mutt will go to town on your couch and pillows. Or he’ll mess in his crate or tear up your yard. You’ll be mad. After a few weeks, when it’s rainy and cold you’ll give up on those daily walks once and for all. He’ll get fat and you’ll feel bad. Every time he moseys on through your living room with his gut dragging the ground, you’ll only see another failed attempt to change your life. Get that dog a bus ticket. He’s gone. Now you’ve not only set your life back another year, you’ve ruined that of an innocent puppy. Then you’ll remember to cancel that subscription to TIME.

Don’t be fooled by these mistakes, but don’t make fun of others that do. Keep up with them throughout the year and just make sure they don’t do it again next year. As far as yourself, remember New Year’s is as much about reflection as it is resolution. Don’t get caught up in what you want to do without looking at what you’ve already done.

“By improving yourself, the world is made better. Be not afraid of growing too slowly. Be afraid only of standing still. Forget your mistakes, but remember what they taught you.”     -Benjamin Franklin

This quote comes from A Few Thoughts: A Collection of Quotes. Available on Amazon.

If you liked this post you may also enjoy:

• Keys to Anti-Social Networking
• The Art of Conversation w/ Dumb People
• Well That Was Awkward
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