Mid-Week Review | Rage by Zygmunt Miloszewski

This post is from a series where I review products during the week

 

This book breaks the cardinal rule of writing.

If you have an Amazon Prime subscription you get books hawked at you each month. I’m not sure what vetting process these books go through but apparently it’s easier than getting on American Idol. In my experience these books are down-right awful. See my reviews below for more proof on this topic.

My most recent experience was “Rage” by Zygmunt Miloszewski. I received an email from Amazon and the description looked interesting…

“All eyes are on famous prosecutor Teodor Szacki when he investigates a skeleton discovered at a construction site in the idyllic Polish city of Olsztyn.”

So I got the free book and started reading it on the Kindle. It wasn’t long before I ran into a problem.

In the book some dude found a body who thought it may have been a corpse left over from World War II (the story takes place in Poland or something). I’m sure the plot would slowly reveal that not to be true – eventually. The same character gave some lame speech at a children’s school assembly. Then he described a bunch of stuff including buildings and the fact that it rained a lot.

It was SO BORING. I kept reading as much as I could but it just felt like it wouldn’t be worth it so I put it down. I can read a horrible book. I can read a book that is over 100 years old, but I CAN NOT stand a boring book. I dropped The Reivers by William Faulkner after the first 20 pages because it was boring. If you haven’t heard of that book by Faulkner, there’s a reason.

Out of all the difficult things that writing a story involve, making it NOT BORING is the most important. Here’s the thing – IT’S ALSO THE EASIEST THING TO DO. Just add something. Add anything to a story and it becomes interesting. Take a bland story and toss in one thing and BAM – now it’s worth reading. Throw in ghosts, magic, a creepy guy watching the main character from far away, unicorns, elves, a tornado, a cab driver with an a vast knowledge of the different types of marsupials, ANYTHING, LITERALLY ANYTHING, and you have a more interesting story. It might not be a good story, but at least it’s not boring.

Maybe there was something missed in translating this book to English but I don’t think that alone can be blamed.

The real tragedy here isn’t in how much this book sucks. It’s really a reflection of Amazon Prime’s selection for it’s members. It’s bad enough that the “Recently Added to Prime” section of Amazon Video could be renamed to “Scroll through this until you get disappointed and give up” but now it seems their book selection has gone the same route.

If my choice is a boring book for free or nothing. Give me nothing.

If you liked this post you may also enjoy:

• Mid-Week Review: The Good Neighbor -crap
• Mid-Week Review: Descent: A Novel -also crap*

*On a side note I tweeted my awful review to the author and he “liked it.” I just thought that was funny.

Amazing Reviews: Hemingway

This is a series looking at the best worst reviews of popular books on Amazon

Few authors have been able to capture the literally spotlight of an entire generation like Ernest Hemingway. He is one of the greatest writers in literature and one of America’s greatest exports. Since his untimely death, no book has been synonymous with his name like The Old Man and the Sea. It won the Pulitzer Prize and has long held its spot on reading lists across the globe.

Of course, as I have come to learn with this series, not everyone is a fan. There are a few outliers that just disagree with pretty much every other person in the history of the world who happened to read this story. Let’s hear a few thoughts from the detractors.

Hindsight is 20/20 so please don’t waste your money 1 Star on October 1, 2015

Unfortunately I had to give this one star. There was not an option for zero because that’s not a real number. It’s only a placeholder like we all learned in second grade. I digress…The fact that this book won the Pulitzer Prize is appalling. If something as painful as this is capable of winning something of that caliber, then I guarantee my used toilet paper could easily win the Nobel Peace Prize.

First off, zero IS a number. I know because I had to look it up. I’ll give it to this reviewer. Working in “hindsight” and toilet paper into a review and still sound like you were talking about a book is tricky, but you pulled it off. Well done.

boring 1 Star on November 4, 2014

This book is so boring. The only thing I remember about it is that the old man went to the bathroom twice during the whole book. That’s how bad it is.

Another bathroom reference. I’m starting to see a trend here.

Such a stupid book. This guy kills a beautiful creature just…1 Star on August 9, 2015

Such a stupid book. This guy kills a beautiful creature just to see it destroyed before putting it to use. Ugh!!

That’s kind of the reason the book was a classic. Man fought so hard to catch this beautiful creature only to have it totally squandered. Pretty sure that’s why it won a Pulitzer . . .

it was boring 1 Star on March 29, 1999

the book went on and on for 60 pages about the fish and the old man

It’s called THE OLD MAN AND THE SEA. What were your expectations this book? If you were expecting anything other than a story involving an elderly man and a body of water you need to stop reading because you are doing it wrong.

Forget Lullabys… read Hemmingway! 1 Star on October 9, 2001

When I found out I had to read this book for school I was actually pretty happy! It only has about 150 pages! but then before I sarted reading it my friend say the book in my poseesion and siad,”That book is the esence of the devil!” I was like- yea, sure it can’t be THAT bad! Boy, was i wrong!! I (usually) am a super- fast reader! a 400 page novel MAY take me 2 days if its good but Old Man and the Sea took me over a month! I put it on my chair in my bedroom and left it there! I would read it at 12 ot night just to make me tired! At least it was good for something! So- unless you can’t get yourself to sleep at night- DONT READ THIS BORING BOOK!…

 The comment on this review is priceless:

4 years ago: oh…my god…are you twelve?

If you liked this post you may also enjoy:

• Amazing Reviews: Meyers
• Another Graph-ic Post
• Mid-Week Review: The Good Neighbor

Wednesday’s Words: Lewis

This is a series where I’ll post a few of my favorite lines from books.

Not since Miss Frizzle’s class has a school bus had crazier ride.

Anything written by C. S. Lewis is going to be full of wisdom so picking just one quote from him was difficult. I decided to pick one of the lesser known pieces of fiction he wrote and go from there. I picked A Great Divorce and found this quote I highlighted years ago. I thought it was timeless and classic.

On an unrelated note, I’m very proud of that bus I made.

Amazing Reviews: George R. R. Martin

By now we all know that Winter is Coming. We’ve followed the remaining members of the Starks, Lannisters, Baratheons, and Targaryens for years now on television but the entire world was built back in 1996 with George R. R. Martin’s masterpiece A Game of Thrones. While the name of the first novel went on to become the title of the popular show on HBO, the series of A Song of Ice and Fire has been a must-read on lists for decades. Not everyone appreciates the saga of Westeros. Let’s hear what they have to say about it all:

Total crap 1 Star on October 29, 2013

I could care less about portrayals of women and sex and rape and all that. If something is important to the story and organic to the character, I can run with almost anything. It’s the writing and the manipulation that have me passionately hating this book. The writing is abysmally terrible. Lots of telling, little showing, point of view issues. There is miles and miles and miles of description without end that contributes nothing to the story. The characters are all hateful. I feel like the author is manipulating the characters to doing terrible, horrible things to incite the big war or conflict or whatever is coming. Doesn’t feel real. I was hating the story before I got to the part where Ned killed Lady, but once that weakling killed an innocent animal for no reason, I was completely over it. I am baffled by the story’s popularity. Utterly baffled.

This reviewer is totally fine with rape and all that, but if you euthanize a giant wolf you’ve crossed the line mister!

Need a newish language, do you enjoy unpronounceable polysylabic names? 1 Star on May 1, 2013

Are you captivated by page after page of repetitious and adverbial sword slashing? In love with shallow–at best one dimensional, characters? If so, “Game of Thrones” is for you!! Even the predictable births in the final pages aren’t enough to tempt me towards volume two. Drek.

Marketing this book for the linguistic crowd is a new spin on the modern classic. And I like the shout-out to Shrek’s younger brother at the end.

NO 1 Star on April 24, 2013

I di dnot [sic] care for this book at all. Matter of face it put it down after 100 pages. If the author hasn’t caught me by the 100 pages–away it goes. It was depressing. There is enough depressing and terror items in our real life–I don’t need to read about it too.

OKAY, first off 100 pages is nearly one-half to one-third of most books. Unfortunately that covers less than one-eighth with A Game of Thrones. Also, what were your expectations of this book? The possibility of conflict is implied right off the bat with the words FIRE AND ICE in the title. Were you hoping for an uplifting, inspirational story from a book with a chair made out of swords on the cover?

So this last review is a little lengthy and actually refers to the quality of the eBook, not the actual writing of Mr. Martin. But keep reading – I promise it’s worth it!

I love this series. I have read books 1-4 over and over again. When I saw HBO was shooting Game of Thrones, I wanted to read it once more before that series begins next year, so I grabbed the Kindle version. The amount of typos in this version is completely unacceptable. It was obviously transcribed and never even perused before being uploaded. It makes Bantam look bad, makes Martin look bad, and makes me so mad that I am having a hard time enjoying the book. The types of mistakes range from the most basic: a completely wrong word such as “he” instead of “had” or a basic typo such as “sex” instead of “ser” to the unexplainable: italicizing a word and splitting it into hyphenated syllables for no apparent reason. It is averaging an error each page near the end, as if the transcriber had checked out completely by this point. Do yourself a favor, especially if this is your first time reading this amazing book. DO NOT BUY THE KINDLE VERSION!

As I said, the review was regarding typos in the ebook. And here is the payoff:

Commenter: Why do you let typos bother you so much? Do you feel superior when you discover them? Just food for thought from an avid reader.

Reviewer’s Response: No, I don’t feel superior when I find a typo. Pssh… Pfft… Pssh… If I spend money on a book, I would rather know for sure that a character’s name is Arnold and not Amold. What if I were to join a book club and I said, “I really like that character Amold!” And everyone looks at me like I’m the biggest idiot in the world, and then because I can’t see through the tears when I’m driving home, I hit your dog. Yeah. All because of a typo. Bam. Dead dog. Think about it.

Winter is Coming folks. Bring those dogs indoors!

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Wednesday’s Words: Woodrell

This is a series where I’ll post a few of my favorite lines from books.

I read this book a few years ago and grew to really like Daniel Woodrell. I had been following the author for a little bit, especially after watching Winter’s Bone. I saw this book was just released and decided to give it a read.

It was great.

Woodrell has a way of writing that completely inserts you into the story but the exact way he does it unique. It’s with a combination of scenery, description, authentic dialogue, and little pieces of truth that resonate after you put the book down. After reading The Outlaw Album: Stories, I read Woe to Live On two years later.

This is a great author with a style and a story all his own. This is one that could easily become your favorite author quickly.

 

Mid-Week Review | The Good Neighbor

This post is from a series where I review products during the week

Let me begin by saying this review is harsh. I rarely give any writer’s work a bad review, but this time I had to a make an exception.

The Good Neighbor – Shadow Cove, Washington, is the kind of town everyone dreams about—quaint streets, lush forests, good neighbors. That’s what Sarah thinks as she settles into life with her new husband, Dr. Johnny McDonald. But all too soon she discovers an undercurrent of deception. And one October evening when Johnny is away, sudden tragedy destroys Sarah’s happiness.

Dazed and stricken with grief, she and Johnny begin to rebuild their shattered lives. As she picks up the pieces of her broken home, Sarah discovers a shocking secret that forces her to doubt everything she thought was true—about her neighbors, her friends, and even her marriage. With each stunning revelation, Sarah must ask herself, Can we ever really know the ones we love?

Before I share with you my review (which Amazon refused to post) I will say that I can tell the author did her best effort with this work. It is obvious that she poured all she had into this story and that is commendable. I’ll even admit to the fact that this book was a page-turner, not just because I was hoping the main character who die on the next page, but I did want to see how the story ended.

So here is the review that was too harsh for Amazon:

Title: If you think this is a good book-STOP READING BOOKS-You are not good at it

Review: This book was a straight-up pile of garbage. I wish I was kidding. I like to read. I even enjoy Lifetime movies. I thought this book was be kind of like that. It wasn’t. I have chosen to provide specific examples of why this book is so dumb. I don’t even have to mention spoilers to do it.

• -“Steady as she goes” is actually said although the characters are not operating a sailboat, which is the only acceptable reason one would say this. Instead it is used when a group of men are holding a ladder for a women in her pajamas to go up it and into a burning building. I’m not a sexist, but what the heck kind of guys would do this in real life???
• -The character’s last name is revealed to be Pheonix and her house burns down. She even says, “By sheer force of will, I would make the ashes rise,” I’m not even kidding here.
• -An actual description on the character’s husband is, “his indefinable male aroma, reminiscent of spice and the salty sea” I’m a guy. I have been a guy all my life. The only way a guy would smell like this is if he is eating curry while wadding in the Pacific.
• -One page says, “I dove down after her” (clearly past-tense). LITERALLY THE NEXT PAGE says, “I’m drowning.” Then returns to past-tense pages later. Folks this is a from an actual publisher!!!
• -We are to believe the protagonist’s husband is a dashing, masculine, wealthy doctor that makes all women swoon and leaves the main character paranoid that he is having an affair. One problem though – He drives a RAV4??? Now, this is by no means a knock on the vehicle but a sub-compact SUV??? This is what Brawny-man, General Hospital-type doctor drives? SERIOUSLY??? Rather than going with a Range Rover or Ferrari or Porsche, this doctor drives the 2015 IHS Safety Pick??? [yes that’s an actual link to the 2015 IHS Safety Pick]
• -The majority of the book is spent with the main character trying to calm her nerves.
• -Oh, guess what the main character does, SHE’S A WRITER!! What?!! How did the author come up with that??
• -It get’s better…She write stories about a fictional mouse, called Miracle Mouse! Now think of the most recognizable cartoon character in the world – it’s a mouse, with the initials “M M”. Real originality by this author!
• -Along those same lines, the author lived in India. Guess where the character’s mother is currently living….. give up….INDIA!!!
• -Finally, the entire motivation of the story’s antagonist came completely out of nowhere. You could have put all the characters on dart board and any of them would have been interchangeable for the climax. The finale was also explained by referencing the movie Backdraft. Yes, the movie from 1991 with Kurt Russell and one of the lesser Baldwin brothers.If you are a writer, have any aspirations to right, or can even spell your own name then this book should fill you with hope. If this author got a book deal and people to actually read her book, then YOU TOO can do it.[mic drop]

So that ends my review. I’m glad that I got this book for free from Amazon and I can only assume that is the reason it is a #1 Bestseller in Contemporary Literature and Fiction. I’m very sorry if I hurt anyone’s feeling, but after 204 pages of this book, I had to vent.

Teaser Tuesday

Reading has always made me want to write. Whether it’s a plot that you can’t put down or a description where the words paint rather than read, there’s just some things that as soon as your eyes cross over them they captivate your attention and leave you wishing you could do the same.

At least that’s what always happens to me. It motivated me to write my own book a few years ago so occasionally I post some excerpts here. Maybe it encourages someone to give it a shot themselves.

[. . . 0r maybe it’s just a shameless plug for my book]

Either way, here’s a tidbit.

“The thought for only a moment about how he could have carried out such malicious acts and have the ability to close his eyes, but as soon as he tried his exhaustion took hold. His mind quickly began to shut down and his last attempt at consciousness was the annoyance of the quill from the feather pillow piercing into his cheek.”  -from Chapter 23 of Gather Sticks Along the Way: A Novel

Pick up a copy of Gather Sticks Along the Way: A Novel on Amazon for Kindle or in paperback.

If you liked this post you may also enjoy:

• Teaser Tuesday
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Wednesday’s Words: Wells

This is a series where I’ll post a few of my favorite lines from books.

I read War of the Worlds by H. G. Wells a few months ago after looking for a free book while I was between reads. I knew this one was a classic that had been around for years so I thought I’d give it a try. I wasn’t disappointed.

I was really surprised at how quickly I was drawn into the book. Wells has a way of painting a picture of science fiction with the elegance of the Victorian Era that still holds against the test of time. When you get it for free, you can’t beat the deal.

Check out some of my other most recent reads here:

My 12 of ’14

My 12 of ’14

I set a goal each year on what I’d like to read. It’s not a book list but more of a rough sketch. This year was definitely a test.

I’ve never liked reading particularly thick books, but this year I pushed that aside. It started with tackling the epic series A Song of Ice and Fire. It took me a while but when I finally finished, I decided to read two other books I had been putting off – The Shining and  East of Eden. 

By the end of the year I had read a pretty good bit. In just twelve books I totaled 7,222 pages and averaged over 600 pages per book. Anything over 300 use to make me wince.

It was difficult at times but I’ve never liked quitting a book. In the end I was able to walk away with an even larger sense of accomplishment than what normally sits behind the last page of a book. One thing I’ve learned from the process is that a popular book with considerable size usually is justified, so don’t let it hold you back from a great story.

• A Game of Thrones
• A Clash of Kings
• A Storm of Swords
•  A Feast for Crows
• A Dance with Dragons
• How to Tell a Story
• Lone Survivor
• Bird by Bird
• The Shining
• East of Eden
• This Present Darkness
• The War of the Worlds

My 19 of ’12

If you like this post you might also enjoy:

• How It Started
• Two At a Time
• Life’s Better as a Trilogy
• Sharing Reluctantly

 

FREE FOR BLACK FRIDAY

For Black Friday today pick up a free Kindle copy from Amazon.

Click Here

Book description:

This is the story of an average man who looses his son. As simple actions by multiple individuals begin to unfold, a tragedy is formed and Charles Lamb is caught in the middle. After several events occur in what appear to be coincidence, he believes he knows what happened. His search for answers causes him to do things he’d never imagine and go against the beliefs that make him who he is.  His faith will either see him through this catastrophe or cause him to lose all he has left. At less than 100 pages, the chapters turn quickly and each reader will walk away feeling something different.

Thanks!