Mid-Week Review | Rage by Zygmunt Miloszewski

This post is from a series where I review products during the week

 

This book breaks the cardinal rule of writing.

If you have an Amazon Prime subscription you get books hawked at you each month. I’m not sure what vetting process these books go through but apparently it’s easier than getting on American Idol. In my experience these books are down-right awful. See my reviews below for more proof on this topic.

My most recent experience was “Rage” by Zygmunt Miloszewski. I received an email from Amazon and the description looked interesting…

“All eyes are on famous prosecutor Teodor Szacki when he investigates a skeleton discovered at a construction site in the idyllic Polish city of Olsztyn.”

So I got the free book and started reading it on the Kindle. It wasn’t long before I ran into a problem.

In the book some dude found a body who thought it may have been a corpse left over from World War II (the story takes place in Poland or something). I’m sure the plot would slowly reveal that not to be true – eventually. The same character gave some lame speech at a children’s school assembly. Then he described a bunch of stuff including buildings and the fact that it rained a lot.

It was SO BORING. I kept reading as much as I could but it just felt like it wouldn’t be worth it so I put it down. I can read a horrible book. I can read a book that is over 100 years old, but I CAN NOT stand a boring book. I dropped The Reivers by William Faulkner after the first 20 pages because it was boring. If you haven’t heard of that book by Faulkner, there’s a reason.

Out of all the difficult things that writing a story involve, making it NOT BORING is the most important. Here’s the thing – IT’S ALSO THE EASIEST THING TO DO. Just add something. Add anything to a story and it becomes interesting. Take a bland story and toss in one thing and BAM – now it’s worth reading. Throw in ghosts, magic, a creepy guy watching the main character from far away, unicorns, elves, a tornado, a cab driver with an a vast knowledge of the different types of marsupials, ANYTHING, LITERALLY ANYTHING, and you have a more interesting story. It might not be a good story, but at least it’s not boring.

Maybe there was something missed in translating this book to English but I don’t think that alone can be blamed.

The real tragedy here isn’t in how much this book sucks. It’s really a reflection of Amazon Prime’s selection for it’s members. It’s bad enough that the “Recently Added to Prime” section of Amazon Video could be renamed to “Scroll through this until you get disappointed and give up” but now it seems their book selection has gone the same route.

If my choice is a boring book for free or nothing. Give me nothing.

If you liked this post you may also enjoy:

• Mid-Week Review: The Good Neighbor -crap
• Mid-Week Review: Descent: A Novel -also crap*

*On a side note I tweeted my awful review to the author and he “liked it.” I just thought that was funny.

Amazing Reviews: Hemingway

This is a series looking at the best worst reviews of popular books on Amazon

Few authors have been able to capture the literally spotlight of an entire generation like Ernest Hemingway. He is one of the greatest writers in literature and one of America’s greatest exports. Since his untimely death, no book has been synonymous with his name like The Old Man and the Sea. It won the Pulitzer Prize and has long held its spot on reading lists across the globe.

Of course, as I have come to learn with this series, not everyone is a fan. There are a few outliers that just disagree with pretty much every other person in the history of the world who happened to read this story. Let’s hear a few thoughts from the detractors.

Hindsight is 20/20 so please don’t waste your money 1 Star on October 1, 2015

Unfortunately I had to give this one star. There was not an option for zero because that’s not a real number. It’s only a placeholder like we all learned in second grade. I digress…The fact that this book won the Pulitzer Prize is appalling. If something as painful as this is capable of winning something of that caliber, then I guarantee my used toilet paper could easily win the Nobel Peace Prize.

First off, zero IS a number. I know because I had to look it up. I’ll give it to this reviewer. Working in “hindsight” and toilet paper into a review and still sound like you were talking about a book is tricky, but you pulled it off. Well done.

boring 1 Star on November 4, 2014

This book is so boring. The only thing I remember about it is that the old man went to the bathroom twice during the whole book. That’s how bad it is.

Another bathroom reference. I’m starting to see a trend here.

Such a stupid book. This guy kills a beautiful creature just…1 Star on August 9, 2015

Such a stupid book. This guy kills a beautiful creature just to see it destroyed before putting it to use. Ugh!!

That’s kind of the reason the book was a classic. Man fought so hard to catch this beautiful creature only to have it totally squandered. Pretty sure that’s why it won a Pulitzer . . .

it was boring 1 Star on March 29, 1999

the book went on and on for 60 pages about the fish and the old man

It’s called THE OLD MAN AND THE SEA. What were your expectations this book? If you were expecting anything other than a story involving an elderly man and a body of water you need to stop reading because you are doing it wrong.

Forget Lullabys… read Hemmingway! 1 Star on October 9, 2001

When I found out I had to read this book for school I was actually pretty happy! It only has about 150 pages! but then before I sarted reading it my friend say the book in my poseesion and siad,”That book is the esence of the devil!” I was like- yea, sure it can’t be THAT bad! Boy, was i wrong!! I (usually) am a super- fast reader! a 400 page novel MAY take me 2 days if its good but Old Man and the Sea took me over a month! I put it on my chair in my bedroom and left it there! I would read it at 12 ot night just to make me tired! At least it was good for something! So- unless you can’t get yourself to sleep at night- DONT READ THIS BORING BOOK!…

 The comment on this review is priceless:

4 years ago: oh…my god…are you twelve?

If you liked this post you may also enjoy:

• Amazing Reviews: Meyers
• Another Graph-ic Post
• Mid-Week Review: The Good Neighbor

Amazing Reviews: Meyer

This is a series where I review the best, worst book reviews from Amazon

This book was a bookshelf staple for many young girls and middle-aged women across the world. It spawned a movie series that launched the young career of Kristen Stewart as she played an awkward girl, a role that must have truly been a reach for her. Despite the unlikely combination of a whiny teenage girl, Native American werewolves, and the most shiny, uncharismatic vampires in the history of literature this book was a massive success. Thankfully there are those that withstood the trance of this teenage Nosferatu. Here are some of their thoughts:

Let Me Save You The Trouble Of Reading This Book: 1 Star on December 30, 2009

Chapter 1: Meet Bella. She is angry and depressed and moving to rainy depressing Forks WA to live with her Dad.
Chapter 2: Bella meets Edward and finds him very handsome. She is depressed and angry over it.
Chapters 3-13: Bella thinks about Edward a lot and is angry and depressed about it.
Chapter 14: Bella and Edward become an item she finds out he is a vampire. She is depressed and angry about it.
Chapters 15-21: Bella is angry and depressed and in love with Edward who fights off biting Bella.
Chapter 22: Bella gets attacked by another vampire. Edward saves Bella. She is angry and depressed about it.
Chapters 23 and 24: Bella is in the hospital recovering. She is outraged and depressed.
Epilogue: Edward surprises Bella taking her to prom. She is angry about it. The end

A concise breakdown of this book and much to my surprise it was met with nothing by agreement by commenters on this review. Bravo!

LOL Fun for the whole family! 1 Star on February 7, 2010

You know, if your family are all the victims of head trauma. Or in a home for the criminally delusional. This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time. And thank goodness Ms. Meyer is encouraging young girls to develop relationships with abusive jerks who withold sexy-time as another means of controlling them into a freaky spiral of obsession! AND. I guess this means a few more years of the tiresome goth movement. I get it — you’re sad and you like bats.Oh, go play in an old fridge. Take Bella with you.

This review caught my eye because it’s not so much of a critique of the book as it voicing their own emotional history. With references to head trauma and equating abstinence to an abusive relationship, I’d say this reviewer has more things to worry about than the on-going “goth movement.”

just plain bad 1 Star on July 27, 2008

I really did not like this book. I picked it up because everyone said it is a must read, and that it was the best book ever. But when I actually read I figured out that it was a stupid book without a real plot. Now before you yell at me listen to this, Bella and Edward are in love right, but Stephanie Meyer doesn’t show you that in the book. They are just all of a sudden together, I mean theres no falling in love they are kind of just wary of each other then proffesing undying love. And they both say practically the same sentence throughout the entire book. Bella says “I love you!” and thats about it. And Edward says “I love you. But Im a vampire” and “I want to eat you, you smell so good.” And thats pretty much the whole book.

Okay that’s actually pretty good.

No Sexual Predators please 1 Star on February 27, 2009

Why is this book marketed to the 12 year old & up? I thought the book would be harmless for my daughter to read but when she shared some of the story with me I decided to read it for myself. Bella, the main character, is a willing victim, which is the worst kind of role model for a young reader. I had a thorough discussion with my daughter about why Bella’s actions were the absolute wrong thing to do in several incidents in the story. Bella walks through a desolate area of town & is threatened by four men. She knows rape is possible but doesn’t get herself out of the situation. Not to mention the 100 year old man, parading as a 17 year old high school student, who is sexually attracted to her. Creepy if he were her father’s friend but somehow ok because he’s a Vampire? And near the end Bella gives herself up to a different vampire for no discernible reason. She is disconnected from her family & obsessed with danger, but in a bipolar suicidal way. Horrible story, reprehensible characters, badly written. Please don’t buy this book.

Even though this reviewer is pretty much saying that if Bella is raped it’s her own fault, she does make at least one valid point. Edward can be considered  a 100 yr old sexual predator. If he had said this stuff in an internet chat room he’d have NBC & Chris Hansen knocking on his door.

So those are a few of the best reviews I read. And by ”best” I mean short enough to copy and paste as most of the one star reviews were three pages long. Among the reviews there were also a few good responses. This one is my favorite and I’ll leave it with you as my parting gift:

I’m an adult with grandchildren and I loved the book. Go figure.

If you enjoyed this post you may also like:

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Wednesday’s Words: Lewis

This is a series where I’ll post a few of my favorite lines from books.

Not since Miss Frizzle’s class has a school bus had crazier ride.

Anything written by C. S. Lewis is going to be full of wisdom so picking just one quote from him was difficult. I decided to pick one of the lesser known pieces of fiction he wrote and go from there. I picked A Great Divorce and found this quote I highlighted years ago. I thought it was timeless and classic.

On an unrelated note, I’m very proud of that bus I made.

Amazing Reviews: George R. R. Martin

By now we all know that Winter is Coming. We’ve followed the remaining members of the Starks, Lannisters, Baratheons, and Targaryens for years now on television but the entire world was built back in 1996 with George R. R. Martin’s masterpiece A Game of Thrones. While the name of the first novel went on to become the title of the popular show on HBO, the series of A Song of Ice and Fire has been a must-read on lists for decades. Not everyone appreciates the saga of Westeros. Let’s hear what they have to say about it all:

Total crap 1 Star on October 29, 2013

I could care less about portrayals of women and sex and rape and all that. If something is important to the story and organic to the character, I can run with almost anything. It’s the writing and the manipulation that have me passionately hating this book. The writing is abysmally terrible. Lots of telling, little showing, point of view issues. There is miles and miles and miles of description without end that contributes nothing to the story. The characters are all hateful. I feel like the author is manipulating the characters to doing terrible, horrible things to incite the big war or conflict or whatever is coming. Doesn’t feel real. I was hating the story before I got to the part where Ned killed Lady, but once that weakling killed an innocent animal for no reason, I was completely over it. I am baffled by the story’s popularity. Utterly baffled.

This reviewer is totally fine with rape and all that, but if you euthanize a giant wolf you’ve crossed the line mister!

Need a newish language, do you enjoy unpronounceable polysylabic names? 1 Star on May 1, 2013

Are you captivated by page after page of repetitious and adverbial sword slashing? In love with shallow–at best one dimensional, characters? If so, “Game of Thrones” is for you!! Even the predictable births in the final pages aren’t enough to tempt me towards volume two. Drek.

Marketing this book for the linguistic crowd is a new spin on the modern classic. And I like the shout-out to Shrek’s younger brother at the end.

NO 1 Star on April 24, 2013

I di dnot [sic] care for this book at all. Matter of face it put it down after 100 pages. If the author hasn’t caught me by the 100 pages–away it goes. It was depressing. There is enough depressing and terror items in our real life–I don’t need to read about it too.

OKAY, first off 100 pages is nearly one-half to one-third of most books. Unfortunately that covers less than one-eighth with A Game of Thrones. Also, what were your expectations of this book? The possibility of conflict is implied right off the bat with the words FIRE AND ICE in the title. Were you hoping for an uplifting, inspirational story from a book with a chair made out of swords on the cover?

So this last review is a little lengthy and actually refers to the quality of the eBook, not the actual writing of Mr. Martin. But keep reading – I promise it’s worth it!

I love this series. I have read books 1-4 over and over again. When I saw HBO was shooting Game of Thrones, I wanted to read it once more before that series begins next year, so I grabbed the Kindle version. The amount of typos in this version is completely unacceptable. It was obviously transcribed and never even perused before being uploaded. It makes Bantam look bad, makes Martin look bad, and makes me so mad that I am having a hard time enjoying the book. The types of mistakes range from the most basic: a completely wrong word such as “he” instead of “had” or a basic typo such as “sex” instead of “ser” to the unexplainable: italicizing a word and splitting it into hyphenated syllables for no apparent reason. It is averaging an error each page near the end, as if the transcriber had checked out completely by this point. Do yourself a favor, especially if this is your first time reading this amazing book. DO NOT BUY THE KINDLE VERSION!

As I said, the review was regarding typos in the ebook. And here is the payoff:

Commenter: Why do you let typos bother you so much? Do you feel superior when you discover them? Just food for thought from an avid reader.

Reviewer’s Response: No, I don’t feel superior when I find a typo. Pssh… Pfft… Pssh… If I spend money on a book, I would rather know for sure that a character’s name is Arnold and not Amold. What if I were to join a book club and I said, “I really like that character Amold!” And everyone looks at me like I’m the biggest idiot in the world, and then because I can’t see through the tears when I’m driving home, I hit your dog. Yeah. All because of a typo. Bam. Dead dog. Think about it.

Winter is Coming folks. Bring those dogs indoors!

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Amazing Reviews: Rowling

This is a series where I’ll review the best, worst book reviews from Amazon

I started this new series out of a personal love for reviews. There are some that sound as though they were written by a prominent contributor of the New Yorker, while others sound like this is the first time they’ve written on anything outside a bathroom stall. Amazon reviews give a voice to all types of people and their words are nothing short of amazing.

I wanted to kick this off with a book that for many began a lifelong addiction to reading, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. Storms of children raided bookstores when it was released. Fans re-read this classic every year. The movies went on to break millions of box office records. People everywhere loved this book, while a select few did not. Let’s hear from the few that didn’t. I’ll post a review, then my rebuttal.

hate this book 1 out of 5 Stars on August 6, 2015 seriously that is all I have to say now: I hate this book. Now I’ll just need to say more because there has to be at least 20 words long. Really it is no different from many other magic books.

I appreciate this person’s commitment to adding a poor review and seeking out at least 20 words to make sure their impact is felt on the reading community. Job well done!

 This book is horrible! 1 out of 5 Stars on December 11, 2004 And I don’t mean the way stuff is written. I’m referring to the story! Not only does it have snake prejudice (i.e. Slytherin(pure evil)=snakes), but it just puts things as black and white (referring to good or bad). Think about it: the only exception is Professor Snape, the Potions teacher Harry has prejudice against.

And it also leaves some questions. Why would perfect Albus Dumbledore let “bad” kids join the school when they might commit crimes there (i.e., students like Voldemort)? And why would snakes side with Voldemort in symbolism and literalism (you find this out in the later books), simply because he’s evil!?!

In fact, I don’t see what’s to like about the book (in terms of things that I like): Snake prejudice (HOW COULD anyone!?!?!), witchcraft, geeks like Ron Weasley as perfect brats!?!

 I think we can all agree that snake prejudice needs to stop. The Book of Genesis, St. Patrick, and now Harry Potter is in on this discrimination. The time is now. Also I think this reviewer really likes parentheses (am I right?).

 Paper Thin Characters Supported by a Ripped Off Plot 1 out of 5 Stars on February 5, 2005 This supposed “original”, “amazing” books are nothing more than piles of junk. First off, the characters are paper thin, extremely predictable and disgustingly stereotypical. Take, Dudley for example – how many books have you read with a fat kid as the evil person, some greedy jerk! Maybe have an ORIGINAL story and have the overweight kid be the main character of a story some time! And Hermione, she’s a geek the exact stereotype of a girl! Supposed to be smart and preppy and always attentive in class, it sickens me! Also the characters had no demension, I felt no feelings when Sirius died and simply thought ‘wow thats nice’, not how I was ‘supposed’ to like some authors manage to make me. Also the plot was completely ripped off as well. Pathetic, Rowling couldnt even come up with her own ideas. She stole bunches of ideas from other, MUCH more quality pieces of literature, twisted and warped them to make you think its good writing. Take Aragog for example, how about Tolkien’s Shelob? Or the dementors, what ever happened to Tolkien’s Black Riders? In the prototypes for the Lord of the Rings, Gandalf was named ‘Dumbledore’. More then just a coincidence, and I dont think it was Tolkien, considering his books were written about 50 years before Rowling’s trash. Or how about the bodyless evil? Wasnt Sauron from Tolkien’s story a bodyless evil that couldnt take a human form? So where’d Voldemort come from? More then half of the plot ideas came from Tolkien’s amazing work, not her own head. This book along with the rest of the series, is a weak, pathetic imitation of literature that doesnt even deserve to be called a book.

Now that’s a long read and it is one of the more detailed critical reviews of the book. As you can imagine, it was not met without some backlash from the Hogwarts hopefuls on Amazon. The replies to this are priceless:

In the prototypes of LoTR Gandalf was named Dumbledore? Where the hell did you figure that out? Especially since it is completely false. Also, ADD A SERIES SPOILER ALERT! maybe not everyone has read the whole series (I have, but for someone who has not that is horrible). Oh, and PS- Dudley is not evil, he is just a jerk.

if you can’t see how amazing this book is you should’nt even be a reader you hater

Your parents are republicans, aren’t they?

If you’re going to tell someone to stop reading, you have to do it with correct grammar and punctuation. And we all know how those right-wing children have been trying to take down the Harry Potter fans for years. I’m glad someone finally wasn’t afraid to confront it . . . along with “snake prejudice.”

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Wednesday’s Words: Woodrell

This is a series where I’ll post a few of my favorite lines from books.

I read this book a few years ago and grew to really like Daniel Woodrell. I had been following the author for a little bit, especially after watching Winter’s Bone. I saw this book was just released and decided to give it a read.

It was great.

Woodrell has a way of writing that completely inserts you into the story but the exact way he does it unique. It’s with a combination of scenery, description, authentic dialogue, and little pieces of truth that resonate after you put the book down. After reading The Outlaw Album: Stories, I read Woe to Live On two years later.

This is a great author with a style and a story all his own. This is one that could easily become your favorite author quickly.

 

Wednesday’s Words: Fleming

This is a series where I’ll post a few of my favorite lines from books.

As political races continue, I thought this quote was more than appropriate.

I read this novel several years ago and it remains one of my favorites. It was great enough to vault a new novelist to national fame and launch one of the most successful franchises in history. You can pick it up at a great price on Amazon for the Kindle.

Mid-Week Review | Descent: A Novel

This post is from a series where I review products during the week

I was looking for a good mystery. A page-turning, who-done-it and I thought this cover was pretty interesting. Here’s a tip for authors:

Don’t let your novel PEAK with the cover.

Descent: A Novel –The Rocky Mountains have cast their spell over the Courtlands, who are taking a family vacation before their daughter leaves for college. But when Caitlin and her younger brother, Sean, go out for an early morning run and only Sean returns, the mountains become as terrifying as they are majestic. 

Written with a precision that captures every emotion, every moment of fear, as each member of the family searches for answers, Descent races like an avalanche toward its heart-pounding conclusion.

Let me begin by saying I was very excited to read this book. It started out very well. It felt like stepping into a conversation that was already going, but one that wasn’t hard to figure out what was happening.

Cue the dramatic event a few chapters in and then you follow a family as it tries to pick up the pieces. Mom goes nuts. Dad continues a search for the daughter long after authorities have given up hope. Younger brother goes AWOL. Lifetime movie comparisons abound.

The main problem I had with this book was that the dialogue was like pulling teeth. For some reason that I’m sure has a concrete literary concept behind it, as the author is an actual creative writing professor, all the characters act like they’re deaf.

I wish I was kidding. Imagine pages of this:

“What do you think we should do?”

“What?”

“I said, what do you think we should do?”

“I don’t know, you’re the one calling the shots. What do you think we should do?”

“Well if I knew I wouldn’t be asking you, would I?”

“What?”

To be clear, this is not an excerpt from the book, but it is EXACTLY how I felt when I was reading some of the dialogue. Maybe it was a device to emphasize how distracted the characters were in the midst of everything or to make the conversations feel more natural. For me it just didn’t work.

Then the book seems to have a problem with the story it’s trying to tell. We saw the characters as a family and we saw their individual stories of heartache and pain. Then [spoiler alert] we saw Caitlin. It was like the book couldn’t decide if it was going to be an action story of a heroine getting herself to safety or following the lives of a family in the aftermath of tragedy. Instead it tried to be both and neither one came away feeling very strong.

Now all that being said, this guy can write. The language and descriptions he gave are honestly reminiscent of Cormac McCarthy. Like seriously, that good. The story kept my attention even when the plot seemed to get bogged down in tangent adventures that had no bearing on the story. The unraveling of the mystery of Caitlin’s disappearance was discovered in such a way that it hurt to think this was the best trail the author took to get us to the climax.  Think of solving a crime like Scooby-Doo, not Sherlock Holmes.

To the author’s credit he was trying to approach a beaten-like-a-dead-horse category of child-goes-missing, family-falls-apart genre and was able to do something unique.

It’s worth a read, especially if you can ever find it for under $5. Which is what I would have liked to have paid after I read it.

If you enjoyed this review you would check out:

• Mid-Week Review | The Good Neighbor

Wednesday’s Words: Bronte

This is a series where I’ll post a few of my favorite lines from books.

In a quest to read books that cost me nothing, I’ve come across many classics to read for free or for $0.99 on Amazon. I’m currently reading a book I never thought I would and, to be honest, I actually like it.

I tend to lean toward books where I can closely identify with the main character. An autobiography of a mid-1800’s governess is not someone I identity with easily, but her story is compelling enough to keep me turning the pages. In turning those pages I found this quote I thought I should share. Enjoy.

Check out Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte on Amazon for $0.99.